So today in the shop, I was talking to ‘non-road-folk’ about practical joke and end of tour pranks. Made me think of a few that will forever make me laugh (and a few that still make me cringe). To remain safe (and not incriminate anyone) I will leave the artist or person involved names out. Hell, Write me and I’ll tell you who they were.
The top 5 (in no order) that will always be winners:
1) In the 90’s, I was with a local PA band, that went on to have a record deal with A&M records. We did a national tour, opening for bands in arenas, like Bob Seger, Plant Page, etc. On a night off, the band and crew decided to drink a bit, then off to the beach. Our hotel was ON the beach, so not a far walk. After slightly drunk, the band learned of an on air interview they had to do. The singer decided to tell the world (ok radio listeners) what hotel we were staying in, and said “it was margarita night. Bring your own glass, and come drink our booze.” A few showed up. After being on the stupid side of drunk, we went to the beach and created a strange yet fun game at the time. We took chairs from the pool at the hotel. He had to sit in the surf line for a wave to come in and go out. If you held on, you moved about 5’ more in the water, if you fell or stood up, you were out. We called it “submerged” for lack of anything else. Very strange, but fun. Yes, I think we lost a chair to the ocean…..
2) I was on a tour bus, with a young artist, with #1 song on radio at the time. We had to drive VERY strange and long drives. Like the record company was tossing darts at a map. Anyhow, we had to drive from Miami, finishing one tour, and drive 4 days to get to Seattle to start another tour. Only stopping for the driver to get sleep, and we had a relief driver as well. Again, seems drinking was involved (I see a theme here). After about 2 days, the drummer, ‘Tough Guy’ Tim (band and 3 crew on our bus), decided he didn’t like my long hair that moment. He asked if he could cut it. Then the entire bus got involved. They all said they would give me ½ their per diem for the week (6 guys @175 each= $1050 to me). We would get to Seattle on Monday, and that was PD day. Sounded great. Sure- why not. Only thing we had to cut my hair was the drummers shears. He used to buss his head almost daily. He was going to use the biggest gate and do it (so it would be about 2 inches long… ok, it will grow back). The first pass, I felt it CUT MY HEAD. He scalped me. Shaved it all off. I wanted to kill someone. We got to Seattle, and to the hotel. The manager is there. They fired the Tour manager and was replacing him in Seattle. The new TM had no idea about the bet and said he doesn’t play that type of games. If they owe me money, they can give it to me. Never got my money. ARRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGG.
3) I was on a tour with RED BULL as a major sponsor. The artist was fond of it. He said “he could drink 4 in no time.” I jump in and said I can drink anything, hell, lets race. $100 to whomever drinks the 4 cans fastest. So, in the bus, at the front lounge area- the race began. I had him. He was sipping a sip every few seconds. I was gulping. Chugging it as you would cough medicine you don’t like. I had one can done in the time he had about 3 sips of his. He said slow and steady would win… I laughed and kept going. Took me about 15 minutes to drink all 4. Then get REALLY sick. He laughed and tossed me the $100. Damn fool never even finished 1 can. He calls himself the man…… OK, I got the money, but he won. I didn’t sleep for 3 days, I was WIRED. Very funny in hind sight.
4) ON the last night of a tour, sometimes jokes are played. I was with a band, again, opening for a well known Canadian band. They decided to prank us. On the last song, their sound guy came to me and warned me of what was going on. On stage, the headliner and crew started to take gear away from the band that was still playing. Started with a few cymbals, then the guitar player (playing acoustic guitar on this song) lost his entire guitar amp rig. Then the bass player lost the amp (only remaining was the DI from the wireless receiver) then the drums went. Only thing left was kink, snare and high hat. Main band DID leave up vocal mics… so THEY COULD SING THE SONG (with a few changed lyrics). Finally covering the band in silly string. Sounded pretty good- thank you pro tools for the little ‘help’ (guitar some percussion and BG vocals on tape…. You get the idea)
5) I was with a band from Australia. GREAT BAND. Nice bunch of younger aged people (early twenties). Somehow I started a rumor that the bus driver had been in a boy band WAAY back in the day. We said he was in the second version of “New Kids on The Block”. He went with the joke, and one of the band members was hooked. I would tease the driver about it. He would fight about it with me, saying it was in his past and he didn’t like talking about it. Then we turned the joke. I admitted to the band member it was a joke, but don’t tell the driver you know. We staged a huge fight one day after a festival gig. I picked on the driver about “did you ever play festivals like this in NKOB?” The band member yelled at me, I yelled back. We got in a heated fight (pretend). He said he didn’t like how I was treating the driver. He fired me. I yelled back. The poor driver stood there- not knowing what to do. We both turned and looked at him, and said ‘Got ya’. Guess you had to be there.
There is another time, when I was on tour, and an artist called me a funny name- “cracker”. Long story why, but they did. Every night, after sound check and dinner, I would go to the console to start walk in music. I would always find a different type of cracker at the board. Went on for MONTHS. Never knew who did it, but I had snacks for the show each night. Another band I was with for many years called me “skippy” because he ALWAYS saw me eating Peanut butter. AS engineer, and tour manager, I don’t get lots of time off to eat during show days. I would always have a jar of Peanut butter in my workbox. I would have a jar on every contract rider, so I fresh jar at each show. I guess he could have called me worse. I used to come home from tour with cases of it left over. I had an idea what to do with it, but that’s a bit too involved for here. Write me for that story.
Honorable mention would go to when I was with a young female artist that was just NUTS. She won a Grammy and said something like (but don’t quote me) ‘the Grammy folks were all crazy and it was a joke’ (live on air during her acceptance speech). She was deathly scared of ghosts. We would have theater managers talk about the ghosts that lived there around her. Once in catering, the staff talked about it and how someone that died on the stage and “hasn’t left”. She was freaked out. She actually cancelled a show one night because she wouldn’t walk in the theater. Try to explain THAT to management.
OK, enough for now. Thanks for reading. More to come as I get thoughts in my head.